Monday, 8 August 2011

Come hither fair maid: My trip to a maid café

I have occasionally wondered whether some day I might become a dirty old man.  You know, just  accidentally lose my footing on the slippery slope of morality and never stop tumbling.  It could happen to anyone.  Well, I thought I might be treading dangerously last Sunday afternoon when I made my first trip to a famous Tokyo institution—the maid café—but as it happened, I was on solid ground the whole time.  As I discovered, the maid café is nothing but harmless fun and what fun!
 
As the name suggests, a maid café is basically a café where you are served by maids.  Their outfits are modelled on those worn by certain anime characters and look like something a Westerner might wear on Halloween.  Maid cafés originated in a district of Tokyo called Akihabara which is a Mecca for anime culture.  They were started to cater for anime enthusiasts particularly male anime enthusiasts who are known as otaku (more about otaku later).  Dressing up as a maid is part of a past-time called cosplay (it's a portmanteau of costume and role play) which  is essentially dressing as your favourite anime character.  Harajuku is particularly famous for cosplay even though there are very few cosplay enthusiasts there any more.

As for my maid café experience, I decided to visit a very popular maid café in Akihabara called At Home with a couple of my Japanese friends.  We thought it would be best to go to Akihabara since it is the home of maid cafés.  Here's a link to At Home's website. 


We had to wait in a queue for about 15 minutes to get into At Home as it was so busy.  While waiting we were presented with the rules of the establishment which included (1) no photos, (2) no touching the maids and (3) no asking the maids for personal information. 

 My friends told me these rules are aimed at errant otaku.  Now, I should probably explain what otaku are.  Otaku is a largely derogatory term used for Japanese males who are obsessed with anime, in particular,  seedy anime.  They are regarded as nerds bordering on inchoate porn fiends … and yes, they are the primary clientèle of maid cafés!  That said, there are many non-otaku who attend maid cafés, such as my two friends and I. (For the record, none of us like anime and one of us was female.  So there!)

Upon entering At Home, we were greeted with shrills cries of “welcome home master” by a group of enthusiastic maids.  This illustrates one of the defining characteristics of maid cafés:  the café is  meant to be your home and the maid is meant to be your hired house maid.  Your maid then acts like your host for the rest of the visit referring to you as “master” etc.  Our maid was Runoa.  Here's a link to her profile on the At Home website, complete with video.  It provides all the information an otaku-turned-stalker might need such as her favourite food is fluffy marshmallow, her favourite colour is baby pink, her favourite thing is ocean sunsets and her blood group is O.  Actually, I am not sure why her blood group is there.  That's slightly creepy. 

http://www.cafe-athome.com/maids/226


At Home serves up some pretty standard diner food but it is all made fun by the maids, who not only wear hilarious outfits and insist on you singing with them, but seem to love being maids.  We asked our maid what she likes about her job.  She said talking to all the different customers who are very friendly and, of course, the outfit.  I could understand.  If I was a 20-something-year-old Japanese girl who looked like a 16-year-old Japanese girl, I could think of worse part-time jobs than dressing up as a maid and having a laugh.  In fact, I have done worse part time jobs.

For an extra fee, we all had our photo taken with our maid.  Here's me rocking bunny ears. 
I also got a membership because … well, you just have to, don't you?  Here's my card.  I'm a bronze member.
 
You can also play games with the maids but I am really out of practice at Hungry Hungry Hippos so decided not to.

All in all, a maid café is just a harmless themed diner.  No doubt, there are some who go along to indulge their anime fantasies but I don't think that de-legitimises the whole concept.  Like many things, it is what you make of it.  As for the costumes, they are no different to what you might see at Halloween.  To quote Lindsay Lohan in her finest work to date, Mean Girls, “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girl can say anything about it!”  God bless America for creating such a fine tradition.

So if you do find yourself in Tokyo, I recommend you make a trip to a maid café. I am confident you will find it intriguing and amusing.  As for me, I think my next stop should be a hostess bar.  I see slippery ground ahead! 

Thank you for reading and take care.

Our Man in Japan.




Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Japanese Inventions

Japan is one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world. In fact, it probably has more famous automotive and electronic companies than any other country (including the USA).* Today, I will look at some Japanese technological achievements that have not caught on out side of Japan. Most people think Japan is awash with bizarre inventions but that is not really true. One of the best Japanese inventions I have seen is actually a modification to the toilet, but before I deal with that, I will introduce you to a few bizarre inventions just to keep the myth alive!

First, the “Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker.” When you are in a cubicle of a public toilet and do not wish the person next door to hear the sound of you excreting (if there is any sound at all!), you press the button on the “Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker” and are treated to the sound of a toilet flushing for 25 seconds at sufficient volume to mask any undesirable sounds that may be produced by you. This could also come in useful if you are vomiting in the toilet. The device is small and attaches to your key ring. It’s an interesting invention but I don’t know anyone who owns one.

Second, the “boyfriend arm pillow” and its male equivalent, the “lap pillow.” I think the below photos are self-explanatory. There must be many lonely girls and dirty men in Japan! 
 


Third, the “baby mop.” Once again, the below photo is self-explanatory. It’s not child exploitation because it’s cute, right?!
 

Still, the best Japanese invention that I have seen, and one which is very common, is the cistern/basin (please see the below photo). As you know, the water we flush down the toilet is precisely the same water that comes out of our bathroom tap. Every toilet flush uses (or wastes) several liters of water. The cistern/basin minimizes this wastage by piping the water, which refills the cistern after each flush, through a tap into a basin on the top of the cistern. After flushing the toilet, you wash your hands in the stream of water that automatically flows from the tap into the basin. The water from the basin then drains into the cistern so it can be used for the next flush. Ingenious! The cistern/basin (1) saves water, (2) improves hygiene by removing the need to touch tap handles in order to turn the tap on and off and (3) saves space by removing the need for a separate basin. These should be everywhere!



Thank you for reading and take care.

Our Man in Japan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* Here is a list of famous Japanese companies I could think of off-hand. As you can see, there’s a lot.

Automotive: Honda, Yamaha, Kawasaki, Suzuki, Mazda, Toyota, Daihatsu, Subaru, Mitsubishi, Isuzu, Nissan and Bridgestone.

Electronic: Sony, Sanyo, Panasonic, JVC, Casio, Kenwood, Daikin, Pioneer, Ricoh, Seiko, NEC, Toshiba, Fuji Xerox, Hitachi, Akai, Nintendo, Sega, Korg and Kawai.

Photographic: Canon, Nikon and Minolta

Friday, 15 July 2011

Your Life as a Statistic

***WARNING! This post contains cynicism and irreverent humour. If that sort of thing offends you, I suggest you do not read any further. If you do read on, please note that this is all said in jest!***

I have now been in Japan for a few months and am growing quite accustomed to being here. The other day I wondered what life holds for me back in Australia. Since I wasn't blessed with the powers of prophecy, I decided to consult the website of the Australian Bureau of Statistics to get some idea of what awaits the average Australian like myself. So here it is: your life as a statistic!

Now if you're living in Australia, I’m guessing you were born there since 73.4% of Australians were. If you were born overseas, you are probably a Pom, in which case, please be assured we have heard all jokes about Australians and convicts already!

You grew up with 0.9 of a sibling. Along with 74.3% of your school chums you finished high school but like 77% of people you didn't get a bachelor's degree. Who wants a higher education debt any way?

You decide to work in the private sector since you thought that would be more lucrative than being a public servant. Alas, you end up earning $65,535.60 per year while the bloke next door, who works full time in the public service, pulls $74,521.20. You ask yourself why he earns more than you despite the fact he works less hours, bears no business risk and continuously claims he is being under-paid.

At the age of 31.5, it dawns on you that your salary alone is insufficient to service a mortgage, so you decide to get married. Your wife is 29.3 years old because the 18 to 25-year-old spouses in the mail-order catalogue were beyond your budget.

At age 33 you realise you will need someone to look after you in your old age (or at least visit you once a year at the old folks home), so you have your first child. This proves to be a great mistake. The horrendous costs of providing the essentials of life (e.g. food, shelter, iPhone, PlayStation, bail payments, etc.) makes your already parlous financial situation even more difficult. To make matters worse, contraception fails a few years later and you are burdened with another 0.9 of a child. You curse the fact you never got a vasectomy.

After 12.3 years of marriage, you awake one morning to find that your wife has run off with a sailor. You're not surprised given that 41.2% of marriages end in divorce. Besides, the “love and honour” warranty you were given by the mail-order company was only valid for the first 90 days.

Years pass. The labours of being a single-parent slowly take their toll. You become overweight like 61.4% of Australians and depressed like 20%. You turn to drinking to cure your blues consuming 2.6 drinks per day (which is almost as many as your 15-year-old son consumes … on a school night).

You remark to yourself that this is truly a dog's life then later learn that the average Australian dog has $2,395 per year spent on it. When was the last time anyone spent $2,395 on you?

After 73.9 years, you succumb to an ischaemic heart attack. In your final moments, your life flashes before your eyes, and you realise that your existence was, in every sense, truly average.

Thank you for reading and take care.

Our Man in Japan.


Saturday, 18 June 2011

Getting one back for Jonah: The day I ate whale.


According to the Old Testament Book of Jonah, a fellow of the same name was once swallowed by a whale. He then apparently lived inside the whale's stomach for three days before being spat out to live happily ever after. Perhaps it's not a true story. Still, when I went to a whale restaurant in Tokyo this week I was secretly hoping it would be called Jonah's Revenge or perhaps Harpooned. Unfortunately, the owner had more taste and had named it Ganso Kujira-Ya which roughly translates as Original Whale Shop. There weren't even any puns in the menu about having a whale of a time. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since eating whale in Japan is not even slightly taboo. In fact, a person at my apartment block told me that it was part of the cafeteria lunch provided to him at junior high school. This attitude is in stark contrast to most Western countries. In Australia, for example, eating whale is considered almost as heinous as murdering and eating a small child! 

 

Any way, I digress. The whale restaurant I visited had a very traditional Japanese design and featured many old Japanese paintings of people hunting whale. One painting, rather improbably showed a fully-clothed man clinging to the back of a whale in the ocean stabbing it with a spear!

As you can see from the photo of the menu (see below), almost every part of the whale was available to eat. I opted for whale steak then some whale sashimi.  Cooked whale is rather like beef but perhaps tastes slightly sweeter. It looks a lot like beef too. In fact, if you weren't told it was whale you could easily mistake it for high quality beef. Whale sashimi, however, seemed like most other fish sashimi I've had.
 




Eating whale naturally made me reflect upon why so many people in Australia consider whaling to be absolutely abhorrent. Prior to my trip to the whale restaurant, I visited the websites of Greenpeace and the Sea Shepard to read about why whaling is so wrong. Strangely, I found the case against whaling to be utterly unconvincing. In fact, there seems to be a whole list of animals Westerners should stop eating before they order the Japanese to stop eating whale. If you share my curiosity, here are the arguments against whaling.

Whaling is cruel

Apparently, whaling is incredibly cruel. There is no doubt that images of whales being hauled aboard factory vessels then gutted and dissected are shocking but this is only because we are not accustomed to seeing comparable images from abattoirs where the same activities are performed on other animals that we readily eat.

So why is killing a whale crueler than killing any other animal? Anti-whaling advocates point to the use of harpoons and the fact that whales are chased by whalers. Let's first consider the use of harpoons.

A harpoon is no different to catching a fish with a hook and line. For those of you who haven't been on recreational fishing trips, let me explain. Recreational fishing involves a fish swallowing a hook (which embeds somewhere in its throat) then being hauled from the water and clubbed to death. A harpoon is precisely the same: it embeds in the whale allowing it to be hauled from the ocean and killed. The only difference between a fishing hook and a harpoon is that a harpoon is bigger and more humane as it is designed to kill the whale upon impact and is not swallowed by the whale either.

Now let's consider the fact that whales are chased through the ocean before being killed. Whales are chased by whalers simply because they are “free range” animals. This is no different to the average fish which is caught in rivers or oceans. Further, a whale (like any free range animal) has it much better than a battery chicken or factory pig which spends its entire life in squalid captivity. Or how about dairy cattle who are kept lactating for most of the year while their young are slaughtered to make veal? And I haven't even mentioned the live animal trade yet!

Overall, whales are treated far more humanely than many creatures we eat on a daily basis. Have you ever considered how the average fish you eat wound up on your plate? The average fish is killed by being dragged from the ocean in a net then dumped on a ship's deck where it is allowed to slowly suffocate. This is equivalent to slowly strangling a calf or lamb to death. Strangely, quasi-vegetarians (or should I say omnivores with pretensions) often allow themselves to eat fish when this should be the last food you should eat if you are opposed to animal cruelty.

Based on the above, I think that supposed cruelty to whales is no basis for Westerners to order Japanese to stop whaling.

Whales are intelligent

Anti-whaling advocates often point to the fact that whales have large brains. This is true but only because whales are incredibly large and hence have incredibly large versions of every organ. There is in fact no evidence that whales are intelligent. The fact that they seem to beach themselves on a regular basis suggests to me that they may actually be incredibly stupid.

But what if whales were actually intelligent? Should an animal's intelligence determine whether it can be killed or not? Is an animal's life any less valuable because it is not intelligent? Clearly not. Still, let's assume for argument's sake that whales are intelligent and an animal's intelligence should determine whether we eat it or not. It has been proven that pigs are incredibly intelligent creatures. Therefore consumption of pork by Westerners should be banned before we tell the Japanese to stop whaling.

Whale species may become extinct

We are often told that various species of whales are endangered and hence could be hunted to extinction. It is true that some species of whales are endangered. However, any high school debater could tell you that this is not an argument against whaling per se but rather an argument against hunting whales to extinction. Accordingly, if whaling is properly conducted, it is acceptable. The Minke whale is eaten in Japan which is not an endangered species. Blue whales, which are at the greatest threat of extinction, are not hunted.

Whales protect other fish

Some argue that whales protect other species of fish and therefore play an important role in maintaining fish numbers. This is clearly nonsense. The greatest threat to fish numbers is commercial fishing. How could a whale stop a commercial fishing fleet?

Whales are peaceful

Yes, whales are quite peaceful but so is every other animal we eat. Have you ever heard of a lamb going on a shooting spree?! In fact, whales are arguably less peaceful than most animals we consume as they are carnivores whilst cows, sheep, chickens, etc. are herbivores.

Whale watching is more lucrative

Whale watching is apparently a lucrative activity. I don't know how true this is but I will assume it's correct. Still, whale watching and whaling can both be conducted. The species of whale hunted by whalers (being the Minke whale) is not one of the species which is observed during whale watching which focuses on the large species of whale.

If the argument of anti-whaling advocates is that it would be more efficient to divert the resources used for whaling to whale watching, they are being very naive. How likely is it that a whaler from Japan or Norway will suddenly see the error of his ways and decide to convert his whaling vessel into a whale watching tour ship? Not very.

So why are Westerners really opposed to whaling?

After reading the arguments against whaling, I was left wondering why Westerners really are opposed to whaling. The case against it is so unconvincing. Well, I think there are three reasons. Funnily, these three reasons are never referred to by anti-whaling advocates because they are utterly illogical reasons.

Firstly, we are opposed to whaling because images of whaling offends our sensibilities. As stated earlier, whaling is unsightly but it is no more unsightly than the killing, gutting and dissecting of any other animal which we eat.

Secondly, we are opposed to whaling because we have a strange affection towards whales just like we do towards dogs. Westerners like to regard whales as peaceful, kindly animals which we should help and protect whenever they become stranded on a beach or injured by a fishing net. We have a similar emotional attachment to dogs which we regard as “man's best friend.” This is fine but we cannot chastise others for not sharing out feelings towards whales. Others are entitled to regard whales in the same way that we regard chicken, cows and sheep–as another animal we can kill and eat.

Thirdly, we are opposed to whaling because we regard whales as deities in the quasi-religion of environmentalism. It seems to me that environmentalism has become a quasi-religion in the last few decades. Environmentalism offers people a greater good to pursue, a struggle for salvation in the face of global catastrophe, distant places to visit on crusades, an opportunity to measure their behaviour against a moral yardstick, greedy heretics to condemn … etc. It is little surprise that some pursue environmentalism with religious zeal.

Without doubt, the chief deity in the quasi-religion of environmentalism is the whale. We falsely place it on a pedestal saying it is peaceful, super-intelligent, graceful and protective. We pay money to gaze upon it and will rush to its rescue should it require our help. The Giant Panda and African Elephant are arguably lesser deities. It is therefore of no surprise that the followers of this quasi-faith are outraged when some choose to hunt and eat their chief deity.

As we live in the age of religious freedom, I have no qualms with people prescribing to environmentalism as a quasi-religion, but by the same token, such people cannot castigate others for not sharing their beliefs. To do so would be a return to the Middle Ages where we persecuted heretics. If this were allowed, Hindus would have every right to tell Westerners they are vile people for killing and eating cows which are sacred to their religion!

Food for thought

As you can see, my simple trip to a whale restaurant turned out to be quite thought provoking. I would like to conclude by saying that I am not an advocate of whaling but rather an advocate of tolerance and an opponent or hypocrisy and pretension. I grew up in a country where whaling is regarded as wrong but after some careful thought, I have come to reconsider what I previously thought was correct.

Thank you for reading and take care.

Our Man in Japan.





Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Tokyo Dogs


Walking around the streets of Tokyo, you can't help but notice the number of people who own dogs.  And I don't mean just any old dog.  They own Tokyo dogs.

A Tokyo dog is all of the following.
1.  Pedigree.  There are no mongrels in this city.  The most popular breed is the long-haired miniature Dachshund but you also see plenty of Akitas, Poodles, King Charles Spaniels and Chihuahuas.
2.  Well-groomed.  Being groomed by your owner is not sufficient.  This task must be done by a trained professional.  I work near a dog saloon where I see Poodles being clipped, Old English Sheep Dogs being shampooed and blow dried … the works.
3.  Well-dressed.  Dressing your dog is all the rage.  In fact, I have seen dogs wearing miniature Wayfarer sunglasses on sunny days.
4.  A model of good behaviour.  During my entire time in Tokyo, I have not heard a single dog bark, growl, whimper or make any sound for that matter.  Dogs don't run free in parks, fetch sticks or scrap with other canines.  They obediently walk alongside their owners, sit when instructed and pose for tourists taking photos.

But above all else, a Tokyo dog is kawaii.  Kawaii is the Japanese word for “cute.”  I could write an entire post on the Japanese obsession with kawaii, but you can probably think of plenty of examples of cute Japanese stuff yourself.  Well, Tokyo dogs are definitely kawaii.  You only need to walk past the window of a pet shop and hear the number of times that onlookers remark “kawaii” to be assured of this.

Do I plan to get a dog?  You must be joking.  First of all, I find the idea of seeking companionship in an animal very strange.  Secondly, my lease prevents it.  Finally, it's too much responsibility – grooming, clothing, sunglasses … I don't have the time.  I'm happy to just look at other people's dogs and wish Australian dogs were as cool as Tokyo dogs.

Thank you for reading and take care.

Our Man in Japan.



Thursday, 12 May 2011

Harajuku Eccentrics

Dear all

I have spent the last week holed-up in my apartment with chicken pox.  No, I’m not asking for your sympathy.  I have no fear of confined spaces (my apartment is 20m2) or long stretches on my own (I have to quarantine myself from all people) so I’m fine.  Nor am I going to bore you with the details of chicken pox which are amply documented on the internet.  Instead, I’m going to tell you about a trip to Yoyogi Park which I made before I fell ill.

Yoyogi Park is a large park right next to Harajuku.  You’ve probably heard of Harajuku as the district of Tokyo where everyone dresses like Gwen Stefani’s back-up dancers circa 2005.[i]  If you go there on a sunny Sunday afternoon, you will see some of these famed “Harajuku girls” but believe me they represent about 1% (if that) of the huge number of people milling about and no, they will not be willing to have their photo taken with you.  Harajuku is really just a popular place to hang out on the weekend if you’re 16 to 30 years of age.  Most people are there to shop, walk around Yoyogi Park and generally just hang out.  The average person is pretty well dressed due to the abundance of good, affordable fashion in Japan but not in an eccentric way.  That said, you won’t be utterly disappointed if you come to Harajuku expecting to witness some Japanese eccentricity.  In addition to the odd Harajuku girl, there will be the 1950s rock’n’rollers dancing in Yoyogi Park.  They’re people of all ages who dress as greasers and dance to 1950s rock’n’roll just for the sake of it.  Unless it’s pouring with rain, you can count on them being there.  However, the most eccentric person I’ve come across in Harajuku was not Japanese but English.
I came across him one Sunday afternoon at the entrance to Yoyogi Park.  He was handing out flyers regarding the Apocalypse.  I stopped to listen to him which I think delighted him as no-one else seemed to be.  He proceeded to tell me of the role that computers, particularly Apple computers, will play in the Apocalypse.  According to him, the Apple logo (you know the apple with a bite taken out of it) is not a reference to the ingenuity of Newton but rather the apple offered to Eve in the Garden of Eden by the Devil and the bite mark is a reference to the bite taken by Adam.  From this we can conclude that Apple is Satan and is leading us all to ruin with their products which are filled with destructive knowledge.  To put matters beyond all doubt, if you take the letters of the word “Computer”, assign each letter a number according to its place in the alphabet (so C is 3, E is 5 and so on), add those numbers together and multiply the sum by 6, you get 666 - the Number of the Beast!  He’s right, actually.  I did the calculations myself in Excel.

Now, I’m not one to be scared of those with unconventional beliefs.  Earlier this year I went to the Scientologists’ HQ and let them perform their psychoanalytical tests on me.  They said I was depressed and not achieving my full potential which I could have told them myself.  So I spoke to this fellow for about ten minutes and politely listened to all he had to say.  I then took one of his flyers, gave him my email address and went on my way.  Don’t worry.  I didn’t believe any of the spiel about Apple being Satan and Computers being factotums of Lucifer … but it’s funny … if you get the letters of the words “IPod” and “IPhone” … multiply them by 6 and add them up, you get … 666.  Maybe I’ll email that guy and tell him to put that in his next flyer.  

Thank you for reading and take care.

Our Man in Japan


[i] By the way, only one of those dancers is actually from Tokyo and two aren’t even Japanese.